The new edition of The Big Issue magazine is out today! Go support your friendly vendor. Here’s my column from last month’s magazine, an ode to the president’s penis, in verse!
Dear Mr State President, we need to have a word
About some of the trouble you’ve recently incurred
What with your running around like you’re Mr Big Love
Getting it on with the ladies without the latex glove.
You’ve inspired national debate and political deadlock
On the subject of your 22 kids and multiple wedlock
You’re caught in between a hard place and a rock…
And it’s not your head at risk on the chopping block!
While our best minds are working on an AIDS vaccine
You’re playing the field like a teenage sex machine,
Busy undermining the sex ed ABCs:
Abstain, be faithful, put a condom on it, please.
At least you “put a ring on it”, like Beyonce says
Upgrading some of your ladyloves to Mrs Prez
But what about the significant others who don’t have bling?
You still gonna keep on at ‘em, keep swinging that thing?
You said many good things in your address to the nation
Talking about jobs and health and improving education…
But times are tough out there for our single moms
Especially with fathers absent without any qualms.
Breaking up families was apartheid’s worst wrong
Please tell me you’re not encouraging the same old song
Of struggling working moms and dads in far off places
Kids on their own, soon to be social welfare cases.
It’s a confounding factor in the worst of our ills
(You’re lucky to have the taxpayers footing your bills)
Men need to be accountable for sowing their seeds
They have to be able to support all their kids’ needs.
Sorry for you, public figures don’t get private lives
Especially if it turns out they’re cheating on their wives
And disrespected families are demanding redress.
As Prez, you have to be MORE responsible, not less.
You’ve said you’re sorry and you even seem to mean it
Now it’s time to stand up and show us your grit
Please keep in mind, a leader leads by example
So can you quit handing out the free semen samples?
(* including allocating a $15.5 million budget to supporting his nearest and dearest and keeping it in the family with all the dodgy business interests of his wives and lovers.
» read article